January. A time when many people set goals for what they want to achieve in the year ahead.
 
Exciting for some. Totally overwhelming for others.
 
What do you want to achieve in 2020? What’s your goal? Where do you see yourself in 12 months’ time? What does success mean for you? What’s your dream job?
 
All great questions but they’re big and can be scary as hell.
 
‘I’ve got no bloody idea!’ you may silently scream, throwing your hands in the air as self-doubt and panic seep in.
 
If that’s you, I want you to stop.
 
Breathe.
 
Put your hands down.
 
Dial the pressure back.
 
It’s all ok.
 
One of the best ways to get yourself closer to the answers without the overwhelm is to reverse engineer it.
 
Rather than focussing on what you DO want this year, start with what you DON’T want.
 
Ask yourself questions like:

• What don’t I want to do in 2020?
• What am I doing now that I want to stop?
• What do I not want in a job or career?
• What sort of work doesn’t interest me?
• What sort of people do I not want to surround myself with?
• Where don’t I want to be in 12 months’ time?

Write your answers down (you’ll find they come much easier than before). Make a list or draw a mind map – whatever works for you but get it out of your head.
 
Then look at it. What you’ve done is narrow down your pool of options. 
 
By focussing on what you don’t want, you’re now closer to working out what you do.

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Leah Mether helps people get out of their own way with the development of soft skills (which are really hard). She is a speaker, trainer, facilitator and mentor.

Tickets are now on sale for Leah’s workshop ‘Remove the Roadblocks’ in Traralgon on 25 February 2020. Find out more athttp://removetheroadblockstraralgon.eventbrite.com.au/

What do you do when someone gives you a compliment?

Do you dismiss it?

“Oh, I was just doing my job.” “It was nothing.” “No, big deal.”

Deflect?

“Everyone else worked way harder than me.”

Or reject it outright and use the opportunity to talk yourself down?

“Don’t lie, I was crap.”

Where’s your focus?

That’s a question I explored with staff from a government agency yesterday in my Personal Effectiveness workshop.

As management expert, the late Peter Drucker said: “Efficiency is doing the thing right. Effectiveness is doing the right thing.”

I encouraged participants to take stock of both their personal and professional lives by questioning where their focus was and what success was for them.

How do I make someone talk about an issue when they don’t want to?

That’s the question Lisa* asked me after attending my Don’t Shoot the Messenger workshop.

Lisa was married with four kids and her relationship with her husband was in trouble.

She’d tried to speak with him about their challenges many times, but he point-blank refused to engage.

She asked me what she should do.

The simple answer is you can’t MAKE someone talk about an issue if they don’t want to. You also can’t MAKE them listen to or hear what’s being said.

What you can do though, is influence them by framing the conversation in a way that encourages them to participate.

This year marks 12 years since I worked as a newspaper journalist for the Latrobe Valley Express in Gippsland, Victoria.

I loved being part of the newsroom: the pace, the energy, the banter, the inside scoop on what was going on.

But it was more than that. My time as a journo taught me skills for life and the lessons I learnt still hold me in great stead today.

What do you value? In life; a partner; a job?

If I asked you this question, could you answer me? Not with some vague explanation of what you think your values should be, or what you want them to be; but with a clear description of the things that are most important to you and the way you live your life.

Once you’ve had a difficult conversation, it’s tempting to think your job is done, but the best communicators know the high-pressure conversation is not the end of the story.

If you want to maintain your relationship with a person, it’s important you continue to communicate with them regularly and follow up after a difficult conversation has been had.

Make an effort to check in with them in the days and weeks afterwards when the pressure drops off.

When losing control is your normal, your communication also loses its effectiveness.

People ignore what you say because your behaviour distracts and detracts from your message.

When you lose your cool – regardless of how legitimate your message is – the focus shifts to your behaviour instead.

Actions speak louder than words. It’s a cliché because it’s true.

What you DO communicates far more powerfully than what you SAY and if your words and actions are out of alignment, it’s your actions people will believe.

Simon was an old-school ‘command and control’ leader who often told his staff that respect was one of his core values.

An intense fear of failure stifles many people’s #communication.

Our fear of saying the wrong thing and offending someone keeps us silent, or our concern about embarrassing ourselves in front of the boss means we don’t put forward a suggestion about a new initiative.

So many of us see failure as a bad thing, something to hide from and avoid at all costs.