When Nathan Buckley first started coaching Collingwood 10 years ago, he led his players as he liked to be led.

As a player and Brownlow medallist, he was known as a perfectionist with incredible discipline, drive, professionalism and a ‘type A’ personality.

He initially took this approach as coach – with a hard command and control style of leadership.

It didn’t work.

He rubbed players up the wrong way and struggled to unite the team around him.

Why? Because people are different and not everyone likes or is driven by the same thing.

Gavin was frustrated.

The project team had been going around in circles on a crucial decision for more than 40 minutes without getting anywhere.

“Righto,” said Gavin, cutting off his colleague who was speaking about her concerns for at least the third time.

“It’s time to put this to a vote: Are we going ahead with my proposal, yes or no? All those in favour, put your hands up.”

Gavin looked around expectantly: Five hands were in the air, five were down.

What happens in your head when you hear the word BUT?

For many of us, ‘but’ cancels everything that was said before it.

When someone says ‘Yes, but…’ after we’ve made a suggestion, we hear ‘no’ or feel like the other person is ignoring or diminishing what we said.

If your boss intends to be complimentary and says ‘That report was really good, but…’ we ignore the ‘really good’ bit (or think they’re lying) and focus on what comes after the but.

And when our partner says ‘I’m sorry I yelled but I’ve been really stressed lately’, all we hear is the justification. The ‘but’ negates the apology.

So what to do instead…

“Have you got five minutes?”

Only, we all know it’s never five minutes and it’s usually asked for right when we’re about to race off to a meeting, are on deadline for an important task, or focussed on an important task.

For many of us (particularly the people pleasers and passive communicators) the yes response can be automatic.

And then we kick ourselves.

James was anxious.
 
Jenny hadn’t said anything about the report he’d submitted two days earlier until the meeting that morning when she’d described it as a ‘good starting point’ in front of the team.
 
What did that even mean?
 
James assumed the worst. Obviously, Jenny didn’t like it. Actually, she probably thought it was terrible. And that he’s incompetent. It’s clear Jenny doesn’t like him, otherwise she wouldn’t have tried to make him look bad in public…
 
And so the spiral begins…

“Great books on effective communication are rare! But Soft is the New Hard by Leah Mether does the genre justice… Detailed and practical – it has the right balance between theory and application. This book is a masterclass and a coach rolled into one.”

Thank you Suman Kher for your wonderful and comprehensive review, and for making my book the first in your #sumanrecommends series for 2021!

You can check out Suman’s full review here https://sumankher.com/2021/01/07/book-review-soft-skills/

What was your first read of 2021?

softisthenewhard #communication #leadership #softskills #book #bookreview

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Leah Mether helps people get out of their own way with the development of soft skills (which are really hard). She is a speaker, trainer, facilitator, mentor and author of the book Soft is the New Hard: How to Communicate Effectively Under Pressure.

Communication at Christmas can be fraught at the best of times.

But this year, after the cluster-f…storm that has been 2020, the potential for conflict is higher than usual, with many people stumbling towards the finish line exhausted, traumatised, and polarised in their opinions.

Tolerance levels are low, tempers short, stress levels high, and patience virtually non-existent.

Many of us are not at our best and when we’re not at our best, our communication is not at its best either.

So how can we make it through this holiday season with our relationships with family, friends and colleagues intact? How can we communicate effectively when we’re so on edge?

To help you out, I’ve dusted off my 10 strategies for managing difficult conversations at Christmas and given them a 2020 update. Here they are:

Are you heading towards burnout in what has been a crazy, high-stress year?

If so, you’re not alone. Many people are skating dangerously close to the edge and barely hanging on as they limp towards Christmas.

But while a lot has been totally outside our control in 2020, have you stopped to think about the self-sabotage traps you may be falling into that are making your stress even worse?

The culture and performance results of a team are driven by the focus and communication of its people.

That culture can range from thriving to diving.

Below, I unpack each level of my ‘People Drive Performance’ model. 

I encourage you to reflect honestly on where you, your team and organisation sit now, and where you would like to be.

The words we tell ourselves have the power to influence how we feel.

I was reminded of this last week when, in a morning of frustration, I caught myself muttering over and over, “I hate remote learning.”

You see, I have three primary school-aged boys at home at the moment and although my husband is here to help (thank goodness!), some days the working from home/learning from home juggle is brutal.