What do you do when someone gives you a compliment?
Do you dismiss it?
“Oh, I was just doing my job.” “It was nothing.” “No, big deal.”
Deflect?
“Everyone else worked way harder than me.”
Or reject it outright and use the opportunity to talk yourself down?
“Don’t lie, I was crap.”
Dismissing compliments is a very Australian thing to do. It’s linked to tall poppy syndrome, an engrained (and damaging) part of our culture, where we cut people down if they shine too brightly or appear ‘too big for their boots’.
There’s almost nothing worse than being seen as a bit up yourself in this country, so we talk ourselves down before anyone else can do it for us.
As a result, many of us are terrible at accepting compliments and deeply uncomfortable with praise.
What’s the big deal, you may be asking?
Here are three problems with dismissing compliments:
So, if dismissing compliments is rude, how can we get better at accepting them?
I’m going to teach you an effective technique. It’s a little complicated, so stay with me here. Are you ready? Here it is:
Say “Thank you”.
That’s it.
Ok, so I lied about the complicated part.
You might like to add:
It doesn’t even matter whether you agree with the compliment or not. You’re not saying “Thanks, I know I’m fabulous”, you’re simply thanking the person for the kind thing they said to you.
When we respond to compliments this way, we show that we appreciate the person giving the compliment. As a result, they walk away feeling good about themselves and are more likely to continue giving positive feedback to you and others. That simple act of us receiving it well encourages a positive feedback culture.
Accepting compliments (even when it feels uncomfortable) can also help boost your confidence, improve self-esteem and is one of the first steps you can take to start building your assertiveness.
It takes practice but it can have a big impact.
So, my action for you as we race toward Christmas is this: Practice saying ‘thank you’ when you receive a compliment.
Remember, compliments are a gift you’ve been given and one that you can return by receiving them well.
Leah Mether is a communication and soft skill specialist. She helps leaders and employees get out of their own way by managing themselves and doing the ‘people bit’ better. Find out more about Leah’s workplace training, keynote speaking and book ‘Soft is the New Hard: How to Communicate Effectively Under Pressure’ at https://leahmether.com.au.
#communication #compliments #feedback #softskill #assertiveness
Leah Mether is a communication and soft skills trainer obsessed with making the people part of leadership and work life easier.
With more than 15 years’ experience working with thousands of clients, and an acclaimed book to her name, Leah knows what it takes to communicate under pressure. Like you, she knows the challenge of conflict, personality clashes, and difficult conversations.
Leah is renowned for her practical, engaging, straight-shooting style. Utilising her Five Cs® model of communication, she helps leaders and teams shift from knowing to doing, and radically improve their effectiveness.