What happens in your head when you hear the word BUT? For many of us, ‘but’ cancels everything that was said before it. When someone says ‘Yes, but…’ after we’ve made a suggestion, we hear ‘no’ or feel like the other person is ignoring or diminishing what we said. If your boss intends to be […]
Not having a difficult conversation to address poor behaviour or performance is far more damaging than having it. Here are 10 problems that occur when you avoid addressing the elephant:
Few people enjoy conflict and confrontation but avoiding difficult conversations is not the answer. When we don’t ‘address the elephant’ and deliver feedback it doesn’t impact individuals alone; it impacts the success of teams, businesses and organisations. Issues that start out as minor niggles and annoyances snowball into major conflict when leaders avoid talking about […]
It may be one of the most popular approaches to delivering difficult feedback, but in many cases the shit sandwich feedback model is just that – shit. What is the shit sandwich approach? It’s sandwiching negative feedback between two positive points. A slice of praise, the real feedback acting as the meat in the middle, […]
Do you talk in roundabouts to avoid having difficult conversations? Speak vaguely in the hope other people will eventually guess what you’re trying to say without you having to say it? This laboured and indirect approach is often used by passive communicators and those who doubt themselves. It also thrives in organisations with strong hierarchies, […]
Last week I gave advice to a client ahead of a difficult conversation at work. She was worried she was going to get angry, or maybe even cry in the face of confrontation and negative feedback. She was also concerned she would let herself down by not being able to communicate her point clearly under […]
What do you do when someone gives you feedback you don’t like? When they criticise or disagree with your behaviour, actions, or words? Do your hackles rise? Does your back straighten? Is your immediate response to their offence, defence? Do you shoot the messenger? Very few people enjoy receiving negative or ‘constructive’ feedback. Even when […]
It’s easy to get overwhelmed when dealing with conflict, or to become emotional when having difficult conversations; but while this is perfectly normal, it can impact your ability to effectively communicate your point of view.
